Tuesday, March 11, 2014

10 Awesome Real Estate Jokes!



Having a hard time finding good real estate jokes? Here are some of my favorites. Enjoy!

Time Saver
Salesman: This computer will cut your workload by 50%. Property Manager: That's great; I'll take two of them.

Raise
"I need a raise in my commission," the real estate agent said to his manager. "There are three other companies after me." "Is that so?" asked the manager. "What other companies are after you?" "The electric company, the telephone company, and the gas company."

Competition
A small real estate broker was dismayed when a brand new corporate chain much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read BEST AGENTS. He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading LOWEST COMMISSIONS. The small real estate broker panicked, until he got an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own brokerage-it read... MAIN ENTRANCE.


How’s Business?
IN A crowded elevator, one man asked another, "How's business?" "Last year we sold 500,000 houses, 700,000 farms and 750,000 schools," came the reply. "This year we ought to do equally well and, in addition, sell 1,200,000 garages." As the elevator descended, there was heavy silence for a moment. Then someone spoke up indignantly. "Sir," he said, "I'm in real estate, and those figures are preposterous!" He didn't know that the man boasting about his business was the marketing director of a major toy company.


Signs
A broker was dismayed when a brand new real estate office much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read 'BEST AGENTS.' He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading 'LOWEST COMMISSIONS.' The broker panicked, until he got an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own real estate office. It read: 'MAIN ENTRANCE'




Shoe Store
Two real estate agents decided to start a new career to sell shoe. The two real estate agents go to Africa to open up new markets. Three days after arriving, one real estate agent said, "I’m returning on the next flight.
Can’t sell shoes here. Everybody goes barefoot." At the same time the other real estate agent sent an email to the factory, telling "The prospects are unlimited. Nobody wears shoes here!"

Job Well Done
Seller to Agent:  You’ve done such a great job describing my house in your real estate listing that I’ve decided to keep it!

Ten Commandments
A real-estate agent, had difficulty getting a listing from a customer whose theory was that "there is no substitute for experience." After he asked her a third time how many years she had been in the business, she told him: "Sir, there is a little-known historical fact that Moses brought three tablets down from the mountain-two were the Ten Commandments and the other was my real-estate license!" She got the listing.


Telephone Man
A young broker had just started his own real estate office. He rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the broker picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?" The man said, "Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines."

Low Maintenance
I listed a maintenance free house. In the last 25 years there hasn't been any maintenance.

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